Well, this is just not for you.
This is not style for you, let me say. I think u will be much better if you do some fight scene like Green&Brown or some poetic scene. I didn't like the movie much just cuz u use the microphone.
Your graphics was pretty good, no doubt about that, but using a microphone and story is kinda wrecking your movie. Btw try to look at 'TUBASA' submission, the style is almost same as yours, so i think you could find some inspiration in it.